Come

I have wanted this blog to be about hope and healing, but I don’t want to give the impression that I have somehow risen above all shame and despair, never to feel its current lapping up at my feet, or rising to cover parts of me. I wonder if, sometimes in the reading of my posts, it all seems too happy or too easy. To be so mired in the shame of allowing or in the prison made by our souls’ retreat from invasion, and then suddenly looking into the face of Jesus, bathed in the light of his hope and healing – no way, right? It just isn’t that way. Life is harder than that. In a world where there’s no such thing as a free lunch, this is too pat and too good to be true. Or maybe you're thinking that it is somehow true for me, but as is the case for many things, you are for some reason exempted from these kinds of gifts.

It makes me think of a young mothers group to which I used to belong, and I use the term “belong” loosely, as I clearly didn’t in so many ways. When, on the very first day, I was asked to make not only my own nametag but also a beeswax candle, I should have just quietly gone, asked for a refund, and kept looking. But, I didn’t. I slopped together a nametag that suggested arrested development, and sat quietly floundering at a table full of crafty women like a fish out of water, wondering if the suburban mom gene had fallen off my DNA chain at conception, or if there was hope if only I tried harder. Buoyed by the thought that I could overcome, I even trudged home, my nametag carefully stored away in my diaper bag, and presented my beeswax candle to my husband, who just simply wasn’t prepared to accept this pathetic offering from someone who looked like his wife, but clearly, by the earnest, crafty look on her face, just couldn’t be.

The climax of my mommy’s group experience came the day a woman came to speak on efficient and Godly homemaking. As happened every week, I sat in my chair, at this point nametagless, both entertained and frightened by the cynical thoughts coming to mind as the speakers shared their insights and experiences, the well-groomed moms all around me in a note-taking frenzy, capturing every tip and suggestion. The speaker was talking about her monthly calendar with meals planned out for each day, and a housecleaning plan through which each room is deep-cleaned monthly. I was wracking my brain for a definition of deep-cleaning, shamed by the thought that I likely had never done this, when all the chatter and scribbling pen noises suddenly faded away, and I heard her say that we must all monthly remove our shower doors and clean the tracks individually with Q-tips. I let out a gasp and stood up before my mind could stop me, and as I stood there with no doubt many eyes upon me, wondering about the whereabouts of my nametag, I knew that I was free to go and no longer worry about fitting in. I went home that day and threw away my beeswax candle, understanding a little bit more about who I was, and who I never could be.

All of that to say that I know what life experience teaches us, and that most of life is grace adverse. In this light-hearted example, as well as in some of our more difficult ones, belonging and acceptance and the kindness of others is something that must be earned, and once earned, maintained, and that each day brings with it a need for more striving within the merit system. And so how then are we to believe that Jesus will just come in and love, accept and heal us in the midst of our mess?

Isaiah 55 says “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the water; and you have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost……Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live…As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.”

As the heavens are higher than the earth, God’s ways are beyond our comprehension, and certainly beyond our human experience. God’s economy is nothing like ours, and his lunch is indeed free for the asking. Do you hear his invitation to come – all who are thirsty? You who have no money – come, buy, and eat? God has made your nametag for you. It says “Beloved “ and it is yours for the asking. If we could understand God, and make sense of Him in the context of our experience, He wouldn’t be God. God’s economy is one of grace, and it has been my undoing. You are no exception, and I pray that you will heed his invitation to come and allow your soul to delight in the richest of fare – God himself - unmerited grace, wholeness and healing. Not easy, but simple and free.